Oh! Pops, guide me...

A Baptism in progress on Sunday 29 June 2025

The church wasn’t crowded today, yet I still couldn’t find a place to sit for the 11:30 am service. The seating was full.

So I made my way to the Adoration Hall — a recent extension to the main church. Clean tiled floors, plenty of lights, and enough electric fans. It has a certain neatness, but also a temporary feeling to it. Perhaps that’s why I never prayed there before. Today was the first time.

I found myself sitting at the back, on the floor, leaning against the wall. Polyester pants — not the best choice. I kept slipping as I tried to stay in that leaning position, legs stretched out fully in front of me. But I stayed.

This church is many hundreds of years old, dedicated to the Holy Ghost. Generations have prayed here. The Adoration Hall, though new, is still part of this sacred space. And today, despite the slipping and discomfort, I prayed.

I started slowly, whispering the Adonai prayer — the one we’re supposed to say a hundred times a day. As I repeated the words, something within me grew still. The prayer deepened. The intensity grew. And slowly, I reached that final, quiet realisation.

I remembered what Jesus said during His trial. He declared He is the Son of God — not only that, He also promised that they will see Him return, seated at the right hand of the Father. And then… He died. And He rose again. And He consecrated His Body and Blood — His everlasting sacrifice — for the forgiveness of sin.

These four truths I believe with all my heart. And if I believe this, truly believe, then my prayers will be heard. That is His promise. As I thought about this, it filled me — this fierce, humbling hope. I could feel its power settle into me.

Yes, I had lost the opportunity God gave me — the work that came my way. If that loss was my mistake, I admit it. I learn the lesson. Maybe I’m not meant for jobs. Maybe I’m meant to do something on my own. But I confess, after giving up that job, the guilt lingered. How could I stand before God? How could I pray for new things when I let opportunities slip away, one after another?

But I know this much — at that job, I had no problems with anyone, except one. I can say it to You, my God — it was that man and his attitude. Real men do not blame others. Huh! 

Creator of the Universe, I believe in You. If I am to do something on my own, let it come my way. Make it clear. Give me the strength to rise and get on with it, as soon as possible.

I believe in you  Jesus. Amen.

Believe in Him

 Today, 29th May, 2023 at St. Antony's the sermon after the Novena was very good. The priest  illustrated about Jesus, His mercy and why we should Believe in Him to get over the troubles and difficulties in our lives.

He started with Cane and Abel and how God was ready to show mercy on the murderous brother. Then he came to Jesus telling us about how the blind man cried out, "Son of David, show mercy on me" and Jesus replying, "Yes, I have the mind" and the blind getting sight. Then the priest moved on to how Jesus read the broken heart of the widow whose son has died and goes to the corpse and brings him back to the life without being asked. Again, how Jesus felt pity for the girl who was resurrected and asked their family  "give her something to eat, she must be hungry." In another example of the caring and merciful nature of Jesus, the priest talked about how the keys of His kingdom was offered to the very man who disowned Him thrice, which is Peter; how He called the man who betrayed Him as a "Friend"; eventually He prays for those who insulted and murdered Him while He was on the Cross.

The Message is simple and clear. Believe in Him, He is capable and He will show us Mercy no matter how bad our situations are and how far we are from Him.

For those of us who are finding it difficult with life and its situations, the message was simple and it did console and encourage me. 

Thank you!

Messengers

After Yom Kippur, the three days of fast the Jewish congregation holds for repentance and fasting, I went to Vallarpadam on Tuesday. The Sun was breaking out of the clouds in short bursts which has been a relief from the 3 weeks of rain and grey days which was made even more gloomier by the fast growth of Corona cases in our Kerala. There were hardly anybody at the church except for an elderly gentleman who warmly responded to my greetings. 

Sometimes, God speaks to us through others what we need to know most. Of the many things he told me during our very interesting conversation what delighted me most was his interpretation of worship. He asked me whenever you come to church worship and adore God through Psalms and hymns before you go into recitals and prayers for favours. He also offered me a few words of simple praise and worship he keeps repeating. 

Yes indeed, God tell us, through the least expected means what we need to hear the most. 

Praise you God, the creator of heaven and earth, praise you Jesus, our way and truth to God, hallelujah! 

"The Idiots"

I am a nobody and has nothing, but I know Jesus you came for folks like me. 

This was our attitude even before Pandemic anxiety and joblessness made our belly groan with acid. 

Why should we be afraid, what do we have to loose, we were living a day at a time always, for what reason we should be worried now?

Buckle up comrades, be happy and be at peace, not our will but His prevails. Let us take it, whatever it is and live it. 

Picture from a week ago, at Vallarpadam, where church is closed, still 'some' come ..

We were poor and uninformed without any friends or powerful relatives. We followed You and Your ways and you blessed us with wisdom and knowledge and gave us the courage and grace to hold ourselves when our country became independent and doors were opened to all to everywhere.

Yes, there were moments, when we doubted ourselves and our own worth when we competed against the best of our country who came from different backgrounds, You were there for us, in our hearts as a person, a distinct personality, perfect like a Guru, consoling and guiding us.

Thank you, Lord, our journey is on, please don't let us do anything to loose You and ourselves. 

On the street of the small town near my village where I currently live, I have come across a 92 year old homeless Anglo-Indian man who had asked me whether I could buy for him a mouth organ. 

It took me quite a while to honour his request with a Hohner's Ocean Blue. 

The old man had told me he used to play the harmonica a lot and used to consider it as his wife and that he had started playing the instrument from the age of seven. 

The way he started playing the harmonica, the moment he laid his hands on it, more than justified his claim.

Jesus, you opened our eyes to see the world around us and to deal with the people we meet in our lives with love, just as the way You did. Thank you, My Lord, for providing me with enough and blessing me with the mind to go in search of and fulfilling that old man's wish. I pray, My Lord, may you send angels to those like him, especially to those who are old, homeless and friendless, in the hour of their needs. 

Feast of Sacred Heart

It has been two weeks since I went to Vallarpadam. With the start of Monsoon, I couldn't make it to the church on last Sunday. It has been raining heavily since the beginning of the monsoon which literally started after the Vishu this year. The picture is the first sight I saw as I stepped into the church this Sunday morning. 

It was not crowded at all, calm and quiet, very pleasing to the mind. Even the Meenakshi restaurant was at ease. They had all the meal today. But I settled for some little snacks, though I wanted their full meal which is my practice on Sundays. 

For a moment, while praying I was blessed with a sweet connection which turned my being into joyful existence. That brief moment was enough and the inspiration stayed on for a long time and helped me with my thoughts, to be thankful and to do what I have to do in the coming days. Both the list, of things to be thankful and the things to do came out uninterrupted and effortlessly to my mind, I felt very grateful. 

One thing I need to keep thanking consistently is the blessing we all have with the English language. For those of us who has to depend on the language in earning bread, the mastery of this foreign language is so absolutely important. I am not sure whether I have kept on trying after a level, still the realisation itself was a blessing to work more on it. 

We pray Jesus, bless all of us who do not have any kind of security or connections at all in this life and has to rely solely on the skills and talents that You have blessed us with, to keep our blessings polished and updated and that we continue to earn a decent bread with it. 

Another best thing about the rainy day is the parking with out the vehicle getting scorched in the shelter less heat of the church parking. 

On my way out of the church I saw that happy family sitting on the parapet enjoying the brief break in the rain. 

Happy Day Jesus! Thank you for teaching us to be peaceful and joyful even in scarcity. 

Bless your Sacred Heart.

Life inside the notebook

July 10th, a Sunday in the early Monsoon weeks. 

It was raining straight and hard. There was not much wind. Luckily, it cleared off after every 20 minutes or so into the rain. I was worried because I  had lost my umbrella again, the first of this season. I normally loose two or three every year. With the rain like this I have to  carry it with me everywhere and as the tradition suggests has to leave it outside the door of the office or other establishments I go to, but often I forget to take it back when I leave. 

I found this note book on the bench inside the church. Written as an offering from cover to cover with some pieces of paper with special request on them. This one here is a request to Mother Mary seeking blessing to build a small house.  

Very touching, indeed." Dear Lord, bless everyone who have decided to lead the family way of life with everything they need."

I felt it was such a blessing to come across an young ones' mind who is aware of their responsibilities and seeking heavenly blessing to carry them out. The note reads for the grace and strength to reach a situation in his/her life so that the person can take care of their family. 

Expect thou to give wisdom and send holy spirit from above!

Written 868 times from cover to cover on a hundred page notebook. 

Another note found inside the book. A printed thanks giving card with a baby's photo.

Life and emotions from the world we live in. I felt so grateful that I came across it. 

In the line of bread...

Mary and Joseph kept up their life, happily no matter how troublesome and difficult their days were. The strange land they were forced to live in or the trouble Joseph had to undertake to find work in new places or the worry and anxiety over the fate of their child Jesus, never took away the happiness and love they both shared even for a moment. They might have, just like our own faith require us to do, offered everything including their happiness and worries to God in their daily "time" with the Father, Almighty. 

Today the results of the national level exam which I had taken a few weeks back in the new subject I am pursuing now, came out. I have been selected along with 24 others to train at the Nation's premium institute for six months for an add on qualification. 

I am thankful to my God, not only for helping me through the qualifying exams, but also for giving me a mind to rely on Him everyday, for giving me the strength and grace to face and see through the troubles of each day and walk along the way He has so mercifully shown me.

Thank you Joseph & Mary, for being such an inspiration to believe in God, even when everything seems so bleak and impossible. Eventually, our lights will shine better. 

My friends, please join me in my joy and Gratitude towards God for this unbelievable miracle. 

Hermapollon

Most often hope is what keep us going, when everything looks blurry and at a loss.

I attended today a seminar concerning "Hermapollon".

Well, those are tales relating to my new subject in which I am still a baby to earn any money from. At the end of the seminar I had only few bucks which I paid for the bus, unfortunately the bus cancelled its trip midway and I had to walk back home. Some good kilometers!

Yes, life is strange, it make us go through all the twists and turns. Our consolation is the unity we have with the divine, which make us hope against hope.. Just like Mary and Joseph did, when they had to run away from their hometown to a distant and strange country, Egypt, where they had no friends or means. They survived.

I survived  the by day by offering the emotions to God.

PS: The Papyrus concerning Hermapollon was found somewhere in Egypt and it dates back to the 1st Century. A surprising coincidence though!

Monsoon woes

For many years now, we had one coconut palm growing from our neighbours yard to over the roof of my house. In the last few years it has become so dangerous I had to request my neighbour to cut the palm down many times. But unfortunately he did not mind my requests some how.

Not only the danger, but also the tree dries that fell on our roof got so big and piled up, no matter how often I cleaned up, it had our concrete roof leaking!

A solution for this mess has been my prayer request for so many years now, but so far the situation continued getting worse everyday in the monsoon.

This year, the fellow got into trouble in other ways with authorities  and had to cut down not only the palm but also many other dangerously sloping trees in his yard.

An unbelievable miracle indeed for me.

Bubbles

Even though the summer is raging and the land is dry, there is no decrease in the blood thirsty mosquitoes. They roam around and pester as and when they wish.

The problem is, I have to keep the Good Knight stuff on, even though it keeps the mosquitoes away it make me so tired in the morning, I miss my usual wake up time to reach church for mass on time.A week now, my schedules are all screwed up.

The day I went to buy this drink from the local stall at Kochi, I banged my head on their tin roof. I guess my eye sight is failing. :) Thank God, I was hit right between my eyes on the curve of the nose bridge. Yes it bled too. Had it been a little this way or that way, I could have seriously damaged my eyes.

Yes, that is life, anything can happen any time, a life turner, a life stopper, a life saver.

In good and bad, give us the heart to praise you Lord. In you we find solace. Without you we are just the bubble in the lemonade. Bust, anytime.

My Fort and My Shield!

For a few months now, I have been talking spirituality and was laughed at behind my back by "my own". 

But GOD who saw my heart, gave me an opportunity to talk about the same subject to a wider range of folks who appreciates it very much and compliments me!

Who would have thought, one day, Americans, Israelites, Britishers and French would like me to tell them about Indian spirituality with references to Bible. Thank You Jesus, my Lord and my fort, you did not let me fall off and die when I was heart broken. Keep me Lord, in You 'n' Your ways, always!

Triumph

How is it possible to quench my thirst if I do not pull up the water from the well? Yes we do have to take the effort to pull up the water and we cannot expect anyone else to do that for us.

I was loosing sleep over a reaction and an  attitude of a person, on whom I had spent considerable time and spiritual energy to restore peace to that person's anguished heart. Lately, somehow, I had a feeling maybe the person is taking me for a ride, giving me all the attention to keep the friendship going but no honest like for the spirituality I was talking about hour after hour. I should admit here, this was just hunch of a feeling without any basis.

But the fact is it took on my heart like a wild fire, making me think wild thoughts and go sleepless. When it became unbearable, I took the matter to our LORD, and He advised me through James 2 where the Apostle warns against being prejudiced in treating people. Though he mentions there about treating people differently based on their appearance, I took it for a direct warning for me not to discriminate a mind baselessly. Then I am breaking the commandment of "love your neighbor".

I thought about it for a while, then I understood, why should I have even a need to think bad about someone, especially when I am not certain about the facts, then I knew am putting more of my intellect, more of me into the matter than the love of GOD. I should approach the issue with a subdued heart which is tamed in prayer and filled in love than the rash, sensitive worldly mind.

James 2:13

For GOD will not show mercy when He judges the person who has not been merciful: but mercy triumphs over judgement.

That set my mind free. The next time we met up, we got on like a fire as ever before.

Thank you my LORD for making me pull up the water from your ever full well of Wisdom.

Christmas 2011

Light at the end of tunnel.
We are surviving.
We are waking up to a new dawn.

We have hope, we have a reassurance,
that life will be back.

The lesson learned, during the dark days, why did you give up hope and loose your days to the spirit of darkness, death itself.

Each day has to be celebrated, for your freedom is bought with a price. An invaluable price.

Safe Crossing

I've a friend at Lady of Ransom, who help around with the church everyday. He is part of the church in a very special way and spends his day mostly at the church. He gets a small salary for that. Inspite of his close association with God, like all of us, he kept worrying about his family, how he will educate his children, how he would meet the expenses of running a family, what will his family do if he died suddenly etc.

Though he had shared his anxieties with me many times, I was not in a position to help him financially, though I tried strengthening him and his faith.

John 1:12 "..but all who have received him
he empowers to become children of God
for they believe in his Name."

If Children of God could not live well, who else will live? So the problem here could be, I thought, how much we want to put our faith in God, that He will be part of our everyday lives in leading and guiding us, in earning bread and meeting our deadlines. I could identify myself with my friend's situation as I too had failed in leaning on God in all situations. Life, as we live longer, teach us its possible and its true that God indeed help the faithful in everyday chores. So I kept telling my friend one day you will be surprised to see how much God does for his Children.

Few weeks ago when I went to Lady of Ransom, he came running to me to share the good news that an American who was visiting the church offered to sponsor his children's education.

A miracle indeed. Hundreds visit the church everyday, how come my friend get to talk to this very man who was actually looking out for an opportunity to lend a helping hand.

God knows what we want and is willing to help if we are willing to give ourselves to him- our "fancy" intellect and all. The process is a joy too and sometimes it can become an addition..:):)

Surprise continues..

Sunday, two weeks ago, when I went to Lady of Ransom, I had a special reason for thanks giving. There was a teacher colleague, who was going through high level of anxiety as her husband was taken ill. Numbness of limbs. He has been diagnosed with some problem with his nerves which is not helping circulation.

Her anxiety was giving her big time stress. I could somehow sense it and in every possible opportunity, I used to talk to her, positively which she welcomed happily.

I had offered her problems during my intercession at lady of Ransom along with a lot of other acquaintances who was also interceding for her from different places.

Last week, she left our college when she got a huge break at the university which somehow secured her life with better stability.

I was pleasantly amused.

Beggar

In the last few months or so, I have spent quite a lot of time at the Lady of Ransom Church meditating and worshiping, just like many others who come there . There were few things that was on my mind , really bothering me. One was the fact the current economic recession, ate my job at Dubai, but I was not really bothered about the job situation as I had gone through similar situation earlier too in the last twelve or so years I was working there and has come out of it successfully with the grace of god. My worry was that , I had lost the urge to work .. to work for a company, to continue to be an accountant.

During my sessions at Lady of Ransom, my heart has cried out many times to take me there where God want me to go. A realm of activity which he has meant for me as I know with all my heart that my working days are over.

Ten months passed by, I had ran out of my reserves many times over and nothing happened. My own folks thought, I had gone nuts. Not applying for anything new, turning down offers from previous employers etc..

Then from the blues came a call from a college in the neighboring town, with an offer t o teach. Its only three days now, since I started teaching but I "Believe" my god knew better...:):):)


Indeed, I too was a beggar at His feet and I re-collect with a smile, how this woman in the picture was so confused, when she raised her hands upto me each time she saw me and I could give her only my best smile. She did not knew there was not much difference between she and me, both was at His mercy.

Thanks giving

At Vallarpadam, near the altar, some times we find "Bread offerings" made by grateful faithfuls for miraculous physical healing received. These breads will be in the shape of legs, hand or the whole human body itself, depending on the healing received.

Three months ago, my mother hurt herself on under her feet with a small thorn wound. Unfortunately it got worse with puss and we had to take her to hospital, where the young doctor cut out the affected part making it a gaping wound.

She was diabetic with a heart condition. It took two months to heal completely and all the while she was laid up pretty much depending on us for her daily needs. For us it was a testing period that all of us stayed together in love and took care of her patiently.

Thanks to His grace everything went well and she made a "bread offering" at Vallarpadam.

Indeed when we have troubles, the way we pray, the way we remain close to god is different. Wish we had the same intensity when things are good too.