Guardian Angel

Oh! my guardian angel, comfort me, console me.. I am broken and lost. 

Psalms 55: 13-15

13If it were a rival insulting me, I could bear with him; if it were a foe in pursuit of me, I could hide from him.
 14But it is you, an equal of mine, my bosom friend, my companion 15whose fellowship I enjoyed as we walked together in the house of God. 

Emotional Trials

2Samuel 14 :14
"Even God does not bring the dead back to life, but the King can at least find a way to bring a man back from exile".

Feeling lost and lonely...

A drop of sadness

I remember my mother fondly during the convention days, when she was around, she used to make it a point that we attend such retreats. She said and did anything and everything to ensure we go there!

I pray for all those families, specially for someone I know personally, who could not think for themselves or there was no one in their family who is concerned about their spiritual well being (especially when they are so remorse struck) to make them go and attend such a spiritual feast.

I am sorry my friend, you missed a chance of self-help, may our good LORD continue to protect you and guard you and may you have the wisdom to give your everything to Him to refresh your life the best way.

Habakkuk 3:17-19
Even though the fig-trees have no fruit
and no grapes grow on the vines,
even though the olive-crop fails
and the fields produce no corn,
even though the sheep all die
and the cattle-stalls are empty,
I will still be joyful and glad,
because the LORD GOD is my saviour.
The Sovereign LORD gives me strength.
He makes me sure-footed as a deer,
and keeps me safe on the mountains.

Well, happy relationships are very important in our lives. We all know that. But at times, no matter how hard we try or how best we love and give, others may not understand the spirit and earnestness behind it. Not that we expect anything in return, but wish they too realize how delightful it is to be joyful in the LORD, than to continue thinking in their own way which brought them to destruction.

So I tell my achy breaky heart, delight in the LORD if your love is not bearing fruits or the fields of "their" heart has no corn, give them their time, reign in your impatience and disappointment, they too will turn around for sure and will spread the sweet fragrance of their soul!

This was the beautiful message I got at  Lady of Ransom last Sunday when I off-loaded a heart load of disappointment and anger. :)

Year end thoughts

Oh! my lord, after much trouble,
deliberation, you have opened ,
a door for me, let me walk in,
without fear and hesitation.

Bless me lord, with the courage,
perseverance, I never had.

Thank you.

Power

You my lord is the power of my mind, the wind of my sails, the color of my dreams, let me not, never ever, loose sight of you and walk away from your ways!!

I still carry the never healing scars of the those awful times, when I was away from you, in a world I foolishly thought I ruled.

Realms

Job 12:4 To my friends I am a laughingstock
when I call on God who does not answer;
the just and blameless man
is made fun of.
5“Contempt for the unfortunate,” so think the prosperous,
“a blow for those who are staggering.”

Bonds

The bonds that keep us together in this life. The bonds that keep us steady in life.

Come to me, all you who work hard and who carry heavy burdens and I will refresh you. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me for I am gentle and humble of heart; and you will find rest. Mathew 11:28-29

Stability

The highs and lows in life is inevitable, ofcourse, but how does a man who has found peace through Jesus deal with it. How should his outlook be like, no matter which phase of life he is on. I guess, his peace should remain the same, his thought should remain the same, he should be still thanking the god for whatever he is going through, high or low.

Recently, I lost a friendship, a friendship I had in the peace of the lord. Our situations had changed drastically, I had fallen in life materially, he had gone up. While I could be happy about his success as if it was my own, he felt I was not in the league any more..:)

Thank you lord, for teaching me that its not me, but YOU who owns my life, whatever happens in this life, happen with your permission and I have to accept it graciously. Though I am not successful to live that thought always, thank you for the times I have lived it.

This picture was taken while I was in Dubai. Over the years it has become dear to me, it reminds me of the lesson God has taught me, to be humble in your victories just as you are humble in your failure.

Your perfume

Sometime humans are like a bottle of the best perfume. Only this perfume is very reluctant to come out of the bottle neck. Then the purpose , unfortunately, of the perfume for being itself is lost.

Isn't it amazing, in such circumstances, life itself break the bottle neck, making the perfume flow out for the world around to smell its sweetness.

Some call it the "lows" of life.

Way of life

The altar design today, Diamonds with sarees.
First Sunday of the New Year I went to Vallarpadam. As usual there were many by the Lady of Ransom praying their heart out. I feel sad at heart, not seeing them pray but the way they grieve inside. We can make out from their expression the kind of turmoil their souls are in.

Whenever I see such, my heart also goes out in prayer along with them, "May all of them, find the true peace, not just the solution for their current miseries, but the true peace and joy that the Lord has offered which no one can take away from them. May their heart be opened to receive such love and peace".
But the fact of the matter is the world is so devilish these days, even brothers and parents become enemies of each other, waiting for the chance to hurt and finding pleasure in others fall. The silent rage that boils inside of these unfortunate ones, which some times erupts violently and ends in tragedies.
Oh! god please guard and keep such, especially those who sought Your solace today at the Lady of Ransom.
Though I enjoys taking pictures very much, I was badly shaken during the prayers at church today, I could not enjoy much the sun set pictures I took today at Vallarpadm.

Alms

Any place of worship we go in India, we find a long line of disabled and sick men & women sitting on the road side requesting alms. Well at Vallarpadam too we have some. Unfortunately, I am not on their favorite list. They see me frequently coming to the church, but they know I do not give them anything. Last Sunday one of them was loud in expressing their feelings for me.

"God wont hear your prayers unless you give" That was their advice.

Offerings

It was some time before mass on Wednesday evening, I was sitting on the bench near the main door of the church enjoying the silence and the solace when this grandma who was sitting in front of me turned back and asked me, "where can I meet the priest?".

Well it seemed she had an offering to make, thanks giving for sure, and she was visiting "Mother" with her two sons and their family. She gifted a gold chain and was happy when it was put on the likeness of Infant Jesus. She had her heart and eyes full.

I couldnt help thinking about the kind of frames of mind of those who gather there everyday to pray, some from the height of gratitude with offerings, some from the low of misery. Though I belonged to the latter some how I was happy at heart.

No gold, nor silver I have Mother,
Empty hands full with worries and anxieties,
But happy at heart, You taught me to understand,
And to use a blessing, when its granted.

Many a time, my cup was full and brimming,
But I was careless, spilled and ruined,
Only to understand later with regret,
It was your mercy, that I took for granted.

Now, among ruins am happy, more than ever,
You taught me in my fall, humility above all,
Keep the home and its bread, Here on my knees,
Lord, offering my heart with its flaws.

How colorful is the me in your heart...

When more than anything else, we hold the peace of our heart, as the greatest wealth in this world even slight fall in the level of that peace hurts our rhythm. In the first place we came to value our peace from the bitter experience of our life, the bruises and hurt we received from pursuing happiness of the world, the unbelievable failures and disgrace.

The last two visits to Vallarpadam for me was very disappointing. I had a few things running in my mind which was having a negative impact on my being. Usually spending time with Mary at Vallarpadam calms me a lot, but this time the demons inside me seemed to be stronger. I left the church quickly on both the times, bit scared to sort out the "demon" myself and afraid I might wreck someone else's peace with my grubbiness.

Vallarpadam is the first church in the whole of Asia which is dedicated to the Holy Spirit. So no matter who we are and what we do, if we have the heart, Holy Spirit work in us while at Vallarpadam, no matter how strong and old our demons are.

We can never control what others think of us, how we live in their heart, sadly most of our worries and fears are just that, what others think of us, how we live in their eyes.

Well, I could only smile when I finally touched the thread of my own demon thought which was wrecking me for a few days. Its how we think of others, its how we deal with others that "should" matter to us than worry or fear about "us" in others heart.

We have only one commandment, which is to LOVE, if our thoughts and deeds are in that, we surely do not have any thing to worry. When this realization hit me, I could feel the delight of my peace returning and felt the sensation of the cool, clean feel of the floor at Vallarpadam on my feet.Those old stones are one heck of a touch...:))

The day was won at last! :)