No sacrifice, no victory.

The very purpose this blog is to share my experience of trying to face my life in Jesus way. When I say that I mean the troubles and worries that comes in life, trying to see them the way Jesus has taught and live them that way. Of course, I am not successful all the time, but the hope of peace and joy from the Gurus way is keeping me walk that way since all else I have tried, I have failed miserably.

Recently certain happenings have undone my efforts so far to a larger scale than I would like to admit. First is I have started smoking again, not that many still two three cigrattes a day. A slave, first to the emotions that brings a kind of helplessness in my mind and then the craving. The helplessness started when the folks whom I have to repay after I inherited a debt called for asking money.

The second is loosing temper, flaring up at the least of provocation.

At times, I am loosing the focus to see the tests as a challenge the way my belief preaches. Somehow I fall under the burden of challenges taking them as certainties even though the fact remains nothing is certain nor constant, even this stage has to pass.

No sacrifice no victory was the caption they had on the board of my undergraduate students. But most of them did not turn up for a special class I arranged to finish up their lessons before the semester end. I lived that three hours class, an extreme joy god has blessed me with during this troubling times.

Sat all the afternoon today, Sunday, at lady of Ransom. It was impossibly hot even though it had rained well last week, even with thunders rolling.

Easter

Happy Easter.

At lady of ransom the church was not full at all for the morning mass, folks were particular to attend the Easter mass at night.

There was this guy from the XIX common wealth game, Delhi doing some kind of promo, "Sher" Man or the mascot.















The day of blessing and distributing Holy Water too. The church towers are nearing completion. They are almost white washed now, but still more work to be done. The first picture with some paint on, should say.

Maundy Thursday

The Pessaha.
College closed on Wednesday till Sunday. This is a long holiday and I was heaving huge relief when an awful tooth ache took me down. An "unbelievably" humble dentist told me she could not help until the swelling subsides.
Stayed home, Thursday and Friday, just going to the neighborhood church for the "Burial" on Good Friday Night.

Palm Sunday

At lady of Ransom, the day started near Meenakshi Amma's house where the palm leaves were blessed and everyone came to the church in a procession.

I was late, really late for church. Attended the 9.30 Am mass. The church was not full as most of the parishioners have come for the first mass which is very important on a Palm Sunday.

Towards the end of the mass saw a lad praying tearfully, literally begging looking at the altar. There was an instantaneous connection between him and me as I was also begging in my heart. He sensing that he is being watched left quickly. I couldn't help praying for him though.

Quantitative techniques, reading about them is saving my mind from worrying. Luckily got an opportunity on Saturday to boat across the beautiful back waters. It was lovely indeed. A nice break.

Solace

With my mind greatly troubled with the new worry, I had no choice but to throw myself on the subjects which I have to lecture every day to beat the anguish that is burning my "dil". Boon or bane I do not know, though very much junior in the team, I was assigned quite two more subjects lately which has left me with no time to think of anything else but my lecture notes.

Did those who became experts in some subjects had a severe heart burn too?

At the lady of ransom, on previous two Sundays I sat few hours without even thinking or analyzing anything. My mind was unusually blank. May be the fear factor. The fear of how I will meet my new responsibility has blown out my senses...:)?

Am I overreacting?

Felt happy attending the mass standing under the big tree in the courtyard. The voice that came out through the "kolambi" speakers were crisp and dear, it consoled me and told me I should not despair.

Later that week, got a surprise call from Tanzania, in Africa, the gentleman asking me for a time for a telephonic interview. The interview was not that great, I could not answer some key questions satisfactorily. Still they asked me when can I join them, since their requirement is urgent. I had my students to think of, I said, no way before first week of April.
"Ok", the gentleman said, "but we will go for some one who can join us early, if we can find one".
I haven't heard from them since.

I have no choice, if they call again, I will have to take up the offer to over ride the financial demon that is going to eat me soon.

But the teaching job.. which I have come to like so much.

I am sure I will find my answer at Lady of Ransom. Surprise, how this gentleman in a Rose farm in Tanzania which exports flowers to Europe found my CV?

Well..Lady of Ransom Miracle.. what else can I say...

test of faith

Very recently I inherited some hefty debts. Since it came from someone I should respect in life, I took it with a open heart. But later, somehow the attitude of that person wrecked my peace. Within no time, I could feel hatred filling my being. Fear and desperation took hold of me. I had lost the light in my life.

The struggle is on, to resurrect my being. I know my victory lies not in hurt but in hope and love. The very demons of vices and temptations which I have conquered earlier are pounding on my doors.

The battle has become sadly exciting..My destiny is in suspense..:):):)

Love

Only, only if, I can hold the peace of my heart,
The same peace You gave unto us, O lord,
Through the winds and the sun,

Only then, my heart will bloom,
To color the world with love...